Practical

I’m not typical, not even unique. I’m more like the complicated-easy girl. I’m not 100% street smart nor am I 100% book smart, I’m not even self-smart. I could not tell you a part of me I’m okay with. I have a love/hate relationship with myself. But who doesn’t? That’s typical.

I have the urge to better myself everyday yet fail miserably every time. I never know what side to show people because I have multiple sides. Even when I’m alone. My mind is very unstable. I don’t know why I’m typing this down. I guess I wanted an outlet, I want someone to listen.

I feel trapped and set. I’m not happy. I’m not sad. I don’t know how to explain this feeling other than trapped and set.

What does that mean? Well, I feel encaged into feeling like a normal human being. I feel forced to want what other wants. I feel strange to what a person is suppose to do. “Supposed.” That word irks me.

I’m a girl wanting to be wanted. But I’m set into this trance where I am but not fully. I’m a tree. Trapped in a particular space and set to the ground. Whose growth is determined by the sun, water, and caretakers. Me? My growth is determined by my spirit, emotion, and mind. But how can I grow when all of me is messed up.

I feel this way so many times in a day.

I want to be happy. I’ve tried tricking myself at times, and I always fall back.

I’m not ok. I want to be, but I’m not.

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